The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
