I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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