I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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