I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
