You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
