there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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