There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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