Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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