My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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