why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
