what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
