It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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