U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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