I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
