Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
