I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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