well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
