the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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