I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
