its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
