just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
