I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
