feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
