he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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