My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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