we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
