you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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