Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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