Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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