he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
