My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
one might say we're banned from that church
handjob tips. give me some.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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