he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
