um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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