I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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