RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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