Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
