cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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