I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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