the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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