ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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