Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
