Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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