You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
