literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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