Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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