I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
