Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to have your abortion
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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