Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
