I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
