Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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