he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
