I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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