I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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