I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
