my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
