I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
