the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
God, I missed his penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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