Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
