I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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