Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
