no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
