Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Someone came in the potted fern
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
