Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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