when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
