I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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