remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
