I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
