why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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