she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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