Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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