Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
