My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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