Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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