Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
