Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
