I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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