Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
