so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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