just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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