Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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