Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
