my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
