these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
