I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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