fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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