my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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