You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
